What Afghans really need: footballs

Several weeks ago, I saw a picture that ran in the Nevada Appeal and I had an inspiration. This doesn't happen too often, so it was memorable.

The title under the picture was "Ancient game returns to Kabul". The picture was of five Afghan men with whips in their mouths, on horses running at full speed, pulling on a headless goat. The caption said that the ancient game of buzkashi (goat grabbing) returned to Kabul for the first time since pre-Taliban times.

This game, for those of you that are not familiar with it, involves snatching a 150-pound headless goat from the center of the field

and carrying it to the scoring area. Apparently, the opposing team's goal is to wrest control of the goat from the possessing team and haul it to the scoring area.

The immediate reintroduction of this game after the Taliban's removal proves two things about the human condition. One is that man is fundamentally tribal and, secondly, that no matter what materials are available, he, or she for that matter, will find a way to compete.

For most of approximately 4,000 years of human history, we have lived in tribal setting and our identities, instincts and needs are closely identified with our tribe. Virtually, all indigenous societies are tribal in nature.

In the United States, the American Indian lived a classic tribal lifestyle complete with inter-tribal wars, kidnappings, and general mayhem until the mid 1800s. While tribal organization has an advantage, in that it kept population growth under control, it also has some distinct disadvantages.

To channel our need for tribal identification and competition in the United States, we have invented the National Football League. While we also have the NBA, the NHL, and MLB, football most effectively fulfills our need for tribal identity, conflict, and dominance.

In the midst of the NFL playoffs, it occurred to me that an important component of establishing a workable government in Afghanistan, a country riddled with tribal conflict, would be to introduce the football into their society.

Without making any value judgments, it would seem as a practical matter, that in a country where millions of people are starving, that a goat could better be used for milk or food.

So here it is. As a part of the rebuilding of Afghanistan, we send footballs. Not pigskins, as that would cause abhorrence in the Muslim population, but rather the good ol' synthetic footballs. We send footballs to the orphanages, the Marines hand them out in the street, and as schools are established, football is played at recess.

An NFL in Afghanistan, a decimated country with no infrastructure? Impossible, you say. But remember, the NFL was not always about big stadiums, Nike uniforms, television coverage, and corporate endorsements. The NFL was born on Sept. 17, 1920, when a few men gathered in Canton, Ohio, at an automobile dealership. Representing 11 franchises, they organized a schedule of sorts.

In 1928, the Providence Steam Roller played the first championship game in a bicycle stadium. In 1934, the first official playoff game between the Chicago Bears and the Portsmouth Spartans (now the Detroit Lions) was held in Chicago. Due to heavy snow, the game could not be played at Wrigley field, so they used indoor Chicago Stadium with a playing field that was only 60 feet long.

While the creation of the NFL has not prevented war, we can safely say that we have not had a civil war in the United States since its inception.

Of course, there is the issue of all the technical rules that have developed over the years. But that is just the point. They have developed over the years and the Afghans are clearly capable of developing rules.

Ah, but they would need referees. The solution, whenever an NFL referee makes an erroneous call, they have to serve one year in the Afghan league. Instead of yelling epithets that start with a "B" and end with an "S", the NFL fans could yell "Afghanistan, Afghanistan." It would be ever so much more satisfying. I am sure most Raider fans would gladly send NFL referee Walt Coleman to Afghanistan after his "Was it a fumble or incomplete pass?" call, that may have decided the Raiders-Patriots playoff game this past weekend.

Next year the Pro Bowl should be played in Kabul instead of Hawaii. Anyone who saw the grace and beauty of Jerry Rice catching a pass would have to be inspired.

Linda E. Johnson is a wife, mother, attorney and a 26-year resident of Carson City. She is a member of the Forty-Niner tribe.