We'd each paint Guinn portrait if we get $20,000

One of our readers wrote to tell us that there is a bill in the Legislature (AB97) that proposes to spend $20,000 for a portrait of Governor Kenny Guinn to hang in the Capitol halls ... geez, for that amount of money, we'd each be glad to paint a portrait of him ...

The fact that they'd look like elementary Picassos on LSD is beside the point ... who knows, that might make them worth a great deal more ... just let us know when to set up the easels and slap on the paint and we'll have them down there in a jiff ... make the check out to "Carolyn and Maizie ... " (yeah, like this is an option ... oh well, we tried ...)

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The excruciatingly sad case of Terry Schiavo should remind everyone, young and old, to have a living will ... so go do it ... get a form from your doctor, lawyer, local hospital, online, wherever ... just do it ... now ...

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First there were the Three Tenors ... then came the three Irish Tenors ... now we have the Ten Tenors at the ElDorado in Reno ... what's next? The Forty Tonners? (that's when old sumo wrestlers get together and sing ... )

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Russ Law informs us that a DNA study reports in the journal "Nature" that men and women have just 98 percent of their genes in common. That makes men and women just as different as men and monkeys. That also adds credence to the fact that women generally choose men over monkeys because they're easier to pick up in bars ...

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We hope you had a Happy Easter ... also receiving happy news were Louise Hogen and Shirley Bierman ... their piano students, Timothy Suh, Tony Xie, Jackie Noel, Kennedy Noel, Greta Sturm and Ashley Saarem, recently received either superior or excellent ratings at the Northern Nevada Music Teachers Piano Festival in Reno ... melodious congrats to all ...

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We see that the CHS golf team took second place in region last week ... that's great ... but eat your hearts out, guys ... Maizie holds the course record (set in 1949 and still holding) at Fort Knox, Ky. ... 157 strokes on nine holes ... (no one else has bothered to count that high). At least she's good for something ...

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JoAnne Bailey wants to know where to buy Girl Scout cookies this year ... she finally went to Gardnerville to get hers, but thinks it would be nice to know when and where we could get them here in Carson City ... someone let us know ... (we hear those "thin mints" callin' ... )

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And while we're on the subject of selling things ... Carson-Tahoe Hospital nurse Carol Galbraith (267-1360) has donkeys and a pot-bellied pig for sale ... get them now, and you'll be one up for this year's Christmas pageant ...

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Did you hear the one about the man who sat next to a blonde on a plane and jokingly asked if she'd like to discuss nuclear power while they were flying?

She looked at him and said, "That might be interesting, but let me ask you a question first ... horses, cows and deer all eat grass, but their droppings are quite different. The deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why is that?"

The man finally has to admit that he has no idea. "So," says the blonde, "how is it you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know crap?" (courtesy of our dear rotten friend Ken).

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"The Pied Piper of Hamelin" is coming to the Brewery Arts Center (883-1976) this weekend ... the delightful fairy tale is put on by the BAC Stage Kids, and is directed by Christopher James, assisted by student director Jon Josten. It's a "can't miss" and includes twelve "rats" in the cast ...

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Nice things: Christi Schmid, Carolyn's niece, was thrilled to be named teacher of the year at Mark Twain School; Don Costa (accompanied by his wife, Jodi) was our busboy at the Villa Basque Deli on Saturday ... not his "regular" job, but he was sure good at it ... second career maybe, Don? Ed Arteaga, CPA, of Freeman and Williams, came to Maizie since she can't drive yet, and got her taxes done ... many thanks, Ed ...

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A big "we'll miss you"to Petra Lattmann, who's moving to Greenville, S.C., to be with her parents, and to Patty Hager and her husband, who will be moving back to Ohio in May ... all our best to you ...

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Pat Summitt, coach of the Tennessee Lady Volunteers, just became the "winningest" coach in NCAA history this week, surpassing Dean Smith of North Carolina. It brought back memories to Maizie who remembers Dean from the University of Kansas, where he played on the basketball team that won the NCAA tournament in 1952. He's also the only one who signed her yearbook ... either she was dreadfully unpopular, or she got her yearbook after she moved back to Nevada ... (probably the former).

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Private note to VML ... Mickey? Mortimer? Malcolm? Maximillion? Montigue? (we'll keep guessing)

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When you think the price of gas is horribly high ... remember the price per gallon for the following (courtesy of Sherry Hester): Diet Snapple ... $10.32; Gatorade ... $10.17; Nyquil ... $178.13; Pepto Bismol ... $123.20; Scope ... $84.48; and Evian (water, mind you) ... $21.19. Be glad your car doesn't run on any of these ...

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April Fool's Day is on Friday ... our memories take us back to soap on toothbrushes, plastic wrap over toilet seats, peanut butter on doorknobs ... Good Heavens ... we'd never do those things ... but forewarned is forearmed ... have a great week!

n Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.