What you say " and how you say it

Our extinction is determined by our quality of communication.

Everything you want to be, have or do is accomplished with and through people.

Consider this data: we spend at least 80 percent of our waking hours communicating in some manner; 95 percent of selling is effective communication and 5 percent luck; when you learn how to communicate with others effectively you will have gone 85 percent down the road to success and happiness; the average business executive spends 75 to 80 percent of the time communicating about 45 minutes of every hour.

Clearly, communication is at the core of nearly all successes and practically every failure.

There are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of ways to improve our quality of communication.

Within a few short minutes we are going to review tools you can use to enhance your quality of communication.

Complimentary occasion It's been said that you can't take a step up if you are busy pushing others down.

The idea here is to compliment the ideas and work of other people.Acknowledge your friends and peers when they do a great job.

Too often people don't compliment others for their contributions.

It takes only a few seconds to offer an accolade or a few kind words of appreciation.

Tell your kids that you're proud of them, thank someone for his or her keen insight, praise a diligent co-worker, tell your spouse you appreciate his or her work.

Others are much more likely to help you if they feel their efforts are noticed.

Confidentiality is key Another tool is to let others confide in you.

Allow others to reveal in confidence their innermost thoughts, concerns and dreams.

The best managers, the best family members and the best of friends are people we can trust in sharing our thoughts and feelings.When people are confiding in you, remind them that what you talk about is 100 percent confidential.

Maintain your code of confidentiality.

One of the most powerful communication tools is to give credit when credit is due.

Cite your sources, publicly applaud the ideas of others and recognize the people in your life that have helped you.

A deep sense of admiration and respect is built when a person gives credit to others.

The opposite occurs when a person claims all the credit for him or herself; people will go out of their way to sabotage another out of severe lack of respect.

Write letters and personalized notes.Much appreciated is a letter from a kindred spirit.A short note or a lengthy letter, whichever you choose to offer,will be graciously accepted.

Connecting with people we care about holds a tremendous amount of significance.

Take a few minutes out of your busy schedule to get in touch with old acquaintances and to re-connect with family, friends, customers and employees in writing.

Laugh lines cost nothing A smile costs nothing, but yields huge dividends.

The tool here is to freely share your smile.Would you rather look at a person wearing a smile or a scowl? People are more likely to respond to you when a smile is involved.

Share it freely.

If you have fallen out of the habit of sharing your smile, practice.

Smile at yourself in the mirror, offer a grin when selling or serving a client, couple it with a request and watch how differently people treat you.And remember, wrinkles are inevitable.Do you want happy lines or scowl lines? Return your phone calls.

This tool seems to escape most people.What would you think if you said hello to someone and they ignored you? You would think the person was rude or disrespectful.Well, that's precisely what people think when phone calls are not returned.

When business associates, acquaintances or family and friends don't return phone calls they are looked upon poorly.

Communicate a strong message by promptly returning all phone calls, especially the ones you most dread.

Nobody likes a know-it-all Do you like to work or socialize with a know-it-all? Probably not.Avoid being a knowit- all.

Since you know what bothers you about such behavior it's easy to avoid the trap yourself, right? Maybe not, especially when talking on a subject you know well.

Be aware of giving too much information or becoming righteous.

Live in humility under any and all circumstances.

Humility is among the most admired traits in our society.When you respect and or like someone, and aren't sure why, it's probably because he or she is humble.

It sometimes seems you have to pry news of accomplishments out of such people.

Those who want respect the most aren't humble and seldom get respect, while those who need it the least get the most respect.

Say "thank you" often.

We learned this one right after we learned to walk.

But we seem to forget to employ this basic and powerful communication tool.

It's easy to offer your appreciation, just say "thank you." It only takes two seconds! A quick little courtesy For some people uttering these words is like an act of Congress.

For others they have simply fallen out of the habit of being courteous.

Make it a point to say thank you when people honor your requests or when someone does or says something nice to you.

Benjamin Disraeli said,"Nature has given us two ears but only one mouth." The obvious tool is to listen two-thirds of the time; talk one-third of the time.Ask yourself,"How many people do I know that are truly good listeners, and who are they?" Good listeners are rare.

Good listeners listen quietly, pause directly after a person speaks, ask questions, paraphrase and listen empathetically.

The most effective way to be a great listener is to focus on talking less and listening more.

Make a commitment to use one of these simple tools today.You know we spend much of our time communicating with co-workers and customers, friends and family.

Technical skills are not enough for success; the ability to communicate well makes the difference between success and failure.

Best of success to you!

Jeffrey Benjamin is the founder of Breakthrough Training and co-author of the Real Life Habits for Success book series.

He is the host of his own television and radio shows featuring leaders with real life success stories.

Contact him at www.breakthroughtraining.

com or call 337-1600.