Trina Machacek: Guttering rain

I remember the Tooth Fairy with fondness. Finding a quarter, yes a quarter! Finding a quarter under my pillow in the morning. After waiting what felt like 172 days for a front tooth to finally give up its place in my tiny 5-year-old mouth. But. HAHA Yes a fairy “but.”

But only after becoming looser and looser moving back and forth then side to side then around and around until finally, with sweat upon my brow, that tooth did succumb and fall gently into my hand. You’re rubbing your tongue on your front tooth aren’t you?

Once I even got to be the tooth fairy for one of my nieces. It worked out she lost a tooth while I was visiting and the local Tooth Fairy was going to leave a dollar. Pishaw I said and I dug in my purse and came up with like $5.72 in spare change and that is what the Tooth Fairy left that night. Oh I’ve fairy danced off the path… Not in need of a tooth fairy any longer, now what I really need is a Rain Gutter Fairy.

Here’s the story, drip by stinking drip. I like rain gutters. All year long they are like water masters waiting for the first drop. Just let it rain. You’ll see them lay down and take it. Catching water falling from the sky onto roofs, gathering each drop and herding them down stream where they are eventually cast out upon grass or into barrels (best water to wash your hair with you will ever use).

Putting all matter of rain that might come down upon your head as you step out the door during rain storms. In winter of course they might get a little clogged with snow and ice. But just let that ice melt the least bit and rain gutters keep those drips of water that refreeze becoming ice spears of doom aimed at your head at bay, thus saving countless lives each year. Hurray rain gutters everywhere. Yes, I know it’s a stretch, but it makes my point right? In short. I like rain gutters.

Unfortunately I lost the war on having rain gutters all along my home front and back. I did get one section over the back door and I was happy with that. Until the leaks began. I have no more than three 10-foot sections of rain gutter up and out of those 360 inches wonderful rain catching gutter 352 inches are well liked and appreciated by me. Then there’s eight tiny inches of madness. Two places of four inches each, where two sections of that gutter are married by very unhappy unions. See three sections only have two unions so lucky me, I have been graced with leaks at both. Wahoo.

Do you know what happens when it rains and your rain gutter leaks? I should just admit that maybe it’s payback from the rain gutter fairy for me insisting on any gutter at all so long ago. Oh I have cleaned the gutter to a spit shine. Then when the leaking started the first thing I did was tape the gutter with heavy duty tuti fruity super tape and when that failed I sprayed some goopy super dooper sealer guaranteed to stop any leaks even under water or pressure spray that the guy with slicked back hair, a plaid suit, gold front tooth and white patent leather shoes with silver buckles, said would have saved the Titanic had they had this good stuff on board.

And do you know what I do when it rains? Yep I put two buckets under those unions because when it’s cold and the leaks leak the water drips and freezes and that makes these wonderful stalagmite of mounds of ice to slippity slide up and over. Such fun.

I have learned after a few years of emptying five-gallon buckets of frozen water to cut the bottoms out of the buckets. So now get this. Now the water that escapes the rain gutter through the “sealed” unions that leak and then drips down onto my deck lands in these bottomless buckets and just goes right on through the boards on the deck on to the ground under the deck.

I have no idea what happens to the water from that point. Nor do I ever want to know… Yes, you can’t detour a woman on a mission.

Still. I would happily hold the ladder for the Rain Gutter Fairy. I mean come on, I can’t be the ladder holder and the fairy both at the same time. Be safe out there among the drips and fairies.

Trina lives in Eureka, Nevada. Find her on Facebook, Instagram or at itybytrina@yahoo.com.