I'm feeling a lot like Nevada

The 72nd Nevada legislative session is now under way. It will be a challenging time for our representatives because they must balance the state budget while providing proper services to a fast-growing, increasingly demanding populace.

As Gov. Kenny Guinn said, "Nobody likes new taxes. But we certainly need the revenue. This is not a political issue. This is a 'save Nevada issue.'"

All Nevadans will have to pay some amount toward the more than $1 billion extra needed to fund state programs for the next two years. Even if we don't pay directly, the costs will be passed on to us as we spend: The Associated Press estimates that every Nevadan will pay $200-plus more to help balance the budget.

My life is a lot like being Nevada. I can't manage my checkbook or the width of my hips: Little money, but plenty of growth. My bills are tossed carelessly all over the house and my pen stopped working. It broke and leaked all over my hands so I can't write any checks to pay bills. Perhaps there is another pen buried under one of my bill piles.

A box of biscottis was hidden under a pile of bills. Hello, my favorite little Italian friends! A chocolate-almond biscotti dipped in dark chocolate, lowered slowly into a steaming hot cup of coffee would be wonderful as I write out some checks and, later, mull my financial future.

Perhaps I'll even discover a viable alternative to fossil fuels and find a way to achieve world peace...

Unfortunately I owe so many, so much. I've been so busy trying to complete basic life functions that procrastination has been the rule, not the exception. Many people involved with operating state programs can relate to my plight. Providing necessities has been a struggle for the state as needs increase and financial resources decrease. It's difficult to look ahead while the present distracts and demands all available time and resources.

The difference between me and the state is that I can directly control the bill tossing and hip widening with self-discipline (if I so choose). The state can't stop people from moving here and needing certain things.

Tourists help us by gambling, eating at our restaurants, visiting our sex parlors and staying in our hotels and motels. They not only spend money and help businesses stay afloat; they pay sales taxes for such items as booze, cigarettes and gasoline.

Here's a way we can save Nevada: The state could start posting savvy guards along Nevada's borders -- double the number along the California side, of course -- and interrogate (greet) visitors to filter out the state service-needy riffraff among them.

Greet: "Will you be gambling? Yes, you said? Welcome! Please drive forward atop our smooth roads. Don't forget to fill up the tank for the drive home."

Persuade, then greet: "You have some books in the back seat of your car. We hope you plan to drop at least a few dozen rolls of quarters in one of our fancy gambling machines during your stay. Holding up a book can get mighty tiring. Knocking back a few highballs can help with the aching. Your arms will thank you and so will Nevada. Enjoy!"

Our official border "greeters" can turn on the charm even more, if necessary.

Persuade: "After dinner, some relaxing smokes and heavy gambling, how about a long drive to a hooker house? Sex is better than yoga, Feng Shui or psychotherapy. A cigar is never just a cigar, but a cigarette is just a cigarette. Welcome!"

Interrogate, then persuade by intimidation: "You're looking to better yourself, you say? You want to go to school here? C'mon, you can improve your math skills as you gamble in our fine casinos. Prostitutes and bar tenders can teach you everything else. Go eat something and toss the dice a few times to unclutter your mind. Do you like firearms? Would you like to look down the barrel of mine?"

And if all else fails, there's always simple threats:

"You're not looking well. A hospital? Feng Shui this! Turn around or eat some of my lead, you revenue-sucking leach!"

At least a state income tax hasn't been seriously considered. The only thing people hate more than paying the tax is when the government takes money from them all year long, cuts into their spare time by forcing them to read something and fill out forms. Adding to insult is when you have to pay the government even more money. But to continue having smooth roads, improve our schools and create a better future for our citizens, we're going to have to pay more.

If we don't pay now, we'll have to pay later when our children grow up unable to count above "21." And if we have to eventually implement a state income tax, who'll be able to read the forms?

Terri Harber works on the Nevada Appeal's news desk.