Apparently the companies that manufacture alarm clocks might as well close up shop, turn off the lights and everyone go home. The word on the street is we all have these internal clocks that will wake us up at exactly the right time after a snooze. All we have to do is set them to that time. Ah, there’s the problem, I haven’t read the instruction book to learn the ins and outs for my internal clock. But there are some people who can set an internal clock and get up exactly the same time each work day and then they reset that clock to let them sleep, sleep, sleep on a day off. How do they do that?
I sleep well most of the time. At nine at night I’m ready to hit the hay or I will turn into a pumpkin, and do you know how hard it is to get a pumpkin comfortable in a bed? Quite a picture, huh? So if I happen to get roped into a movie or a conversation that takes me out of my loop, my internal clock goes awry. I say that to make a good argument for my sleeping in the next morning. Most of the time I’m awake before the sun comes up, but to get my feet to the floor at that time takes some coaxing.
We should note here an internal clock ticking has nothing to do with a biological clock ticking. That clock tick tocks away whether you’re awake or asleep, and believe it or not women aren’t the only ones with a biological clock. I have met men who have wanted to cross over from single and carefree to dad-ville. Those men and women who hear that clock tick have no idea there are other types of clock to deal with. Well, just wait until their little tyke’s internal clock goes off and the cries for that 3 a.m. feeding come along every night and we will see if all the clocks in the house aren’t put in the freezer to slow them down!
The internal clock isn’t just for waking up. Do you know when it’s time to pick up kids from school or the bus stop without looking at the clock? Does your mind start to churn with dinner options at just the right time daily? For men, how do they know without looking at the odometer when it’s time to change the oil in their trucks? All these things have to do with that internal clock. But what if that clock gets all gummed up? What will happen to the world as we know it? Here’s what I see happening ...
First of all, all drive-thru eateries will absolutely have to serve breakfast after 10 in the morning. How irritating is it to drive up and order something with an egg just to be told they’re now only serving lunch. No, I see that breakfast as we know it will have to be hot and ready all day long. Breakfast is my favorite meal to go out to eat. Anytime I can get someone else to cook eggs and hash browns and bacon with toast and jam and then clean up after me, I’m a happy little queen. Wait, let me soak in that thought for a few more ticks of the clock ... sigh.
If the internal clocks are tossed to the curb, early morning lawn mowing will be a thing of the past. That would be too bad. Imagine getting up early on Saturday morning in June and not smelling the smell of your neighbor’s freshly mowed lawn. That would not only be bad, but sad, too.
The death of the internal clock will throw an innumerable number of housewives, OK and some househusbands, into a tizzy because they will not automatically know when “The Price is Right” is on and how much time they have to get the breakfast dishes done before their soaps come on. Oh, this one thing by itself is unthinkable. Of course even without an internal clock it’s true you can skip, like, seven years of a soap on television and still pick up where you left off and know Michael is still cheating on Julie with her twin sister from a previous life and their mom is now a spooky spirit that floats from hither to yon telling everyone where the ice princess is and of course everyone is still waiting to find out where Mikonos is hiding — and on, and on, and on ...
But do not fear, my friends. The internal clock as we know it will always be in place and it will ring in your psychosomatic life forever. That’s on the whole a good thing. After all, who wants to sleep with a pumpkin?
Trina Machacek lives in Eureka, Nevada. Share with her at email@example.com. Really!